BY FARAH G. DECANO
ON PERFORMATIVE MASCULINITY
Sociological theory defines performative masculinity as a state where a man feels compelled to “act out” or “prove” his manliness through specific outward behaviors. This often stems from viewing masculinity as a precarious status—one that is fragile and must be constantly defended through public display.
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Recently, a congressman, in the middle of a formal congressional proceeding, openly admitted his “imagination” regarding a famous actress and the physical effect she supposedly had on his body.
It is worth noting that this representative was recently linked to actor Dominic Roque (as reported by GMA and ABS-CBN in early 2024)—a
rumor he flatly denied. One has to wonder: what was the motive of this “Honorable” official in making such a sexist remark? Was he attempting to overwrite the narrative of those 2024 rumors with a desperate display of bravado?
Perhaps he isn’t gay. But even if he were, so what? There is no stigma in being gay. What is truly reprehensible is that a public official, in the discharge of his official duties, chose to objectify a woman to validate his own image. Para que? Was he so intent on debunking rumors that he felt entitled to do so at the expense of a woman’s dignity?
In my more than half-century of life, I have observed a consistent truth: those who feel the need to “over-prove” their masculinity are usually the ones suffering from an acute deficit of it.
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I am reminded of my tenure as a City Councilor. A colleague (won’t tell from what LGU) would frequently boast that his “manhood” was of a
“jumbo” variety. He would publicly ogle women, widening his eyes in exaggerated delight. He desperately imagined the public viewed him as macho. Little did he know that people were snickering behind his back, having caught him gazing quite differently at the male physique when he thought the curtains were drawn.
Then there was a civic club party I attended decades ago. A middle-aged member (also a government official), standing barely five feet tall, joined our all-women table. He claimed he relocated because the guests at his previous table were smoking. He could have stopped there. However, finding himself among women, he felt the urge to swagger. He puffed out his puny chest and declared, “Ayoko sa table doon, naninigarilyo sila. Ako kasi ang sinisigarilyo!” While the other women offered polite strained smiles, my newly minted lawyer mind quickly retorted, “Ah, sigarilyo lang pala kayo?” (Ah, so you’re just a cigarette?)
The table erupted. I will never forget how his face turned a deep shade of crimson, stunned by such a sharp, impertinent question. It served him right. God bless his soul; he passed away a few years ago.
In contrast, I have also known men who were genuinely secure in their masculinity. While I am hardly the “damsel in distress” because as I am perfectly capable of wielding my own sword and donning my own armor, I have always admired the respectful and mindful bearing of a true gentleman.
Compare that boisterous councilor with the former Councilor Alfie Fernandez. I remember him waiting for Councilor Dada Reyna and me by the daungan (pier), ensuring we were safely aboard our motorboat. He didn’t beat his chest, flex his muscles, or fabricate tales of “conquests.” No one ever doubted his masculinity. He possessed the same quiet, confident strength as his father, the late Mayor Al Fernandez Jr.
Similarly, contrast that “puny” club official with the late Philip Fernandez. “Kuya Philip” wore his button-down polos, mustache, and beard with dignity. He was never cringey; he was a cheerful man who regarded women with genuine respect. His presence was a delight, not a performance.
I believe it is time for the world to embrace a more expansive, positive masculinity—one that accepts vulnerability as strength and fosters inclusivity. We need a masculinity that prioritizes connection over conquest and respect over dominance.